SINGLE IN VANCOUVER ON VALENTINES DAY

I don’t know what happened when I turned 26 but it was like overnight I went from being a 25 year old in a bar to a 90 year old in hell. Kids of legal drinking age look 12 years old and are the worst people in the world and trying to find somewhere to go with single girlfriends {WHO ARE SMART SUCCESSFUL BEAUTIFUL HILARIOUS THE LIST GOES ON} that contained men (I use the word “men” about as loosely as Justin Beiber uses any version of common sense) of any caliber, is impossible. I have the best boyfriend on earth so case closed for me. sorrynotsorry. But I legit feel for my single gurlz. My boyfriend is in Belgium for the next few months so I will be joining some chicks for what has been coined “VDAY BINGE DRINK GROUP HANG DANCE SESH 2014” and as you can see from the conversation below THE STRUGGLE IS REAL. Where do you go in Vancouver? Where do you think the best place to meet people is? Should we give up on bars? Even though our dance skills have been honed for 26 years?

Warning: This conversation happened in a SAFE PLACE (re: Facebook chat) and has no filter so if you don’t like harsh language (or the harsh truth) you will not approve of the below content.

Alex
Hey all, takes us a hot minute to figure out good plans so I’m aggressively jumping the gun to force myself upon you this Valentine’s day. For those of you that will probably spend your day with PIETER – you’re included so you know you’re loved. And Wendy’s angel-boyfriend will probably send her a life size cut out of himself and 17 bouquets of flowers because he’s a total fucking gem. Conveniently, this sacred day of blacking out falls on a Friday (there is a god and he is rooting for us to get freaky) so let’s get some ideas going for a good ol’ girls night out

Melanie
I dunno Alex, I was thinking about posting up with a bottle of red wine, myself and my instagram account, reliving my past relationships through social media whilst listening to Coldplay. But I mean, I could be swayed.

Wendy
hahaha Alex crafts the best messages. IM IN.

Chelsea
haha yeah alex that was a fucking beaut. i like to THINK someone is rooting for us. i’m in.

Katie
If I can ditch PIETER, I’m toooootally in! It won’t be too difficult b/c We don’t celebrate holidays that revolve around that dreaded L-word. And I’m not talking about lesbian.

Melanie
there’s nothing dreaded about the word lesbian

Alex
unless after 6 years of S’ing Pieter’s D you’re switching teams..
which is still cool.. but might be an awkward convo

Katie
Only for him, everyone else would get where I’m coming from

Melanie
I’m beginning to become a fan of guest lists so we should make a week of decision on where we wanna go.
aka I’m cheap/broke

Wendy
“unless after 6 years of S’ing Pieter’s D” LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Alex
where do hot dudes go on Valentines day? Can we make a Facebook survey or something?

Chelsea
we should just start slowly baiting all the hot men we know in that conversation
but oh wait…. i know none.

Alex
Dear man-babes of the internet: Where are you hiding this Friday the 14th of February? I want in.

Melanie
yea that’s the trick…if we make it our facebook statuses we’ll just get a whole lotta “Seymours has been okay lately”…

Alex
which is a damn whore lie.

Melanie
We could iron out our crop tops and hit up Portside?

Katie
I’ll have to top up the b-tox to iron out my face so I don’t look like the old bag I am

Alex
portside has great music but zero talent.
everyone is 12

Wendy
true and true
i feel like that’s everywhere
are we old?

Katie
Yes

Wendy
when we were at the pint i felt 100

Alex
i feel like London pub is decent for people who are over the age of consent.
We could also go balls to the wall and find somewhere new.
or do some sort of Alibi room –> London Pub mash up if we want to be good and pickled.

Wendy
we could also stay in and play board games and drink a shit load of wine and eat a kilo of cinnamon hearts in matching pj’s but actually look more like –> this

Alex
hahah
those are ALMOST as good as my polar bears in raybans pjs I got for xmas.

Melanie
hahahha

Alex
#coolerthanapolarbearstoenails

Ashley
Haha
I’m liking where this is going. But I agree, portside and pint are for the little ones.
London Pub is good!

Wendy
I like London Pub!

Ashley
Should we do dinner before blacking out?

Melanie
potluck?

Alex
YES.

Chelsea
yeah i really aggressively like all of this
london or bust
or really just fuck the pint and the portside. i’m also down for somewhere new.

Alex
food and booze and heart shaped everything, ma bitches.

Melanie
I had a really good time at Charles Bar two weeks ago
London is a good second destination too since there’s never really a line

Chelsea
i feel like charles bar is all douche bags

Alex
legitimate

Melanie
alright

Alex
but the music is deec, as is the food – if we wanted to start somewhere kinda trendy and mosy.

Chelsea
alex is fortune any good for men?

Alex
no guarantee on long term relationship qualities but you will find babes in plaid.
or if you wanna say “fuck dudes” and get real on a dance floor.
then yes.

Chelsea
hmmmm
dilemma

Alex
I can throw us on a g-list for it anyway and if we decide we
wanna get weird we can go.

Chelsea
ps wendy…you really nailed it with the pajama option
i say we do that the next night

Danielle
Sometimes I just want to get super fucking silly and go to Fortune so I can’t hear anyone talk and just sweaty dance with some hipsters. Is that so wrong? Regardless, I’m in for this. I don’t care where we go. I’m glad we’ve finally agreed that the pint is full of children. I’ll literally do whatever though. Inside, outside, dress up, PJs…

Alex
London Pub & Fortch are just a block away from each other so the opportunity to move around is good.

Danielle
My entire fucking apartment is in boxes right now and some sort of electronic device is making a loud beeping sound from inside one of the boxes. I guess I just have to wait till whatever battery dies! FML. Moving day.
Alex is full of good ideas.

Alex
ugh, may the force be with you, Danielle

Danielle
Thank you kindly

Melanie
Sounds good guys! Let’s get a guest list and do pre drinks somewhere.

Wendy
I love all of this and I am always down to get super loose and trap dance at fortune. We can pre drink and see what we are down for but let’s make a list! London Pub doesn’t do lists does it? DREAM STATE: Get ready / pre drinks – london pub 9-11 fortune 11-FOREVER
also I’m happy to host pre drinks

Alex
k. i’ll get us on that Fortune list.

Chelsea
yeah wend your little plansy sounds awesome. and im down to pre-ham whenever.
wherever** in fact wendaloo, i’ll probably come borrow an outfit. cool? thanks.

Wendy
of course little boo

Chelsea
*Cat acting like DJ* pic

Wendy
omg is this the part where we move to communicating solely by pics? Because that’s my fav part

Wendy
*Cat looking like unicorn* pic

Alex
*Cat peeking out of paper bag* pic

Danielle
*Bird with sunglasses on drinking a martini* pic

WHO ISN’T TRYING TO DATE THESE GIRLS?

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